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us off the stairwell outside the kitchen。

34

“Drrsss;” she said into the stable。

She turned around and guided us into Hayriye’s greasy…smelling and mice…

ridden kitchen。 She forced us to sit down。 “Don’t even consider standing until

our  guest  leaves。  And  don’t  fight  with  each  other  or  else  people  will  think

you’re spoiled。”

“Mother;” I said to her before she closed the kitchen door。 “I want to say

something; Mother: They’ve done our grandfather’s gilder in。”

35

I AM CALLED BLACK

When  I  first  laid  eyes  on  her  child;  I  knew  at  once  what  I’d  long  and

mistakenly  recalled  about  Shekure’s  face。  Like  Orhan’s  face;  hers  was  thin;

though her chin was longer than what I remembered。 So; then the mouth of

my  beloved  was  surely  smaller  and  narrower  than  I  imagined  it  to  be。  For  a

dozen years; as I ventured from city to city; I’d widened Shekure’s mouth out

of desire and had imagined her lips to be more pert; fleshy and irresistible; like

a large; shiny cherry。

Had  I  taken  Shekure’s  portrait  with  me;  rendered  in  the  style  of  the

Veian masters; I wouldn’t have felt such loss during my long travels when I

could  scarcely  remember  my  beloved;  whose  face  I’d  left  somewhere  behind

me。 For if a lover’s face survives emblazoned on your heart; the world is still

your home。

Meeting Shekure’s youngest son and speaking with him; seeing his face up

close and kissing him; aroused in me a restlessness peculiar to the luckless; to

murderers and to sinners。 An inner voice urged me on; “Be quick now; go and

see her。”

For  a  while;  I  considered  silently  quitting  my  Enishte’s  presence  and

opening each of the doors along the wide hallway—I’d counted them out of

the corner of my eye; five dark doors; one of which; naturally; opened onto the

staircase—until I found Shekure。 But; I’d been separated from my beloved for

twelve  years  because  I  recklessly  revealed  what  lay  in  my  heart。  I  decided  to

wait  discreetly;  listening  to  my  Enishte  while  admiring  the  objects  that

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