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made me in Venice using adulterated gold and brought me here; passing me

off as twenty…two…carat Ottoman gold。 Your sympathy and understanding are

much obliged。

Based  on  what  I  could  gather  from  being  in  the  mint  in  Venice;  this

business  has  been  going  on  for  years。  Until  recently;  the  debased  gold  pieces

that the Veian infidels brought to the East and spent were Veian ducats

which  they  minted  in  that  same  mint。  We  Ottomans;  forever  respectful  of

whatever  is  written;  paid  no  heed  to  the  amount  of  gold  in  each  ducat—so

long  as  the  inscription  remained  the  same—and  these  fake  Veian  gold

pieces  flooded  Istanbul。  Later;  noting  that  coins  with  less  gold  and  more

copper  were  harder;  we  began  to  distinguish  the  coins  by  biting  them。  For

example; you’re burning with love; you go running to Mahmut; that youth of

unsurpassed  beauty;  beloved  by  all;  first;  he  takes  into  his  soft  mouth  the

coin—not  the  other  thing—and  biting  it;  declares  it  counterfeit。  As  a

consequence; he’ll take you to Heaven for only half an hour instead of one full

hour。  The  Veian  infidels;  realizing  that  their  counterfeit  coins  presented

such  disadvantages;  decided  that  they  might  as  well  counterfeit  Ottoman

coins; reasoning that the Ottomans would be fooled again。

Now; let me draw your attention to something quite bizarre: When these

Veian  infidels  paint;  it’s  as  if  they’re  not  making  a  painting  but  actually

creating the object they’re painting。 When it es to money; however; rather

than making the real thing; they make its counterfeit。

115

We were loaded into iron chests; hauled onto ships and pitching to and fro

traveled from Venice to Istanbul。 I found myself in a money changer’s shop; in

the  garlicky  mouth  of  its  proprietor。  We  waited  for  a  while;  and  a  simple…

minded  peasant  entered;  hoping  to  exchange  some  gold。  The  master  money

changer; who was a genuine trickster; declared that he needed to bite the gold

piece to see if it was counterfeit。 So he took the peasant’s coin and tossed it

into his mouth。

When  we  met  inside  his  mouth;  I  realized  that  the  peasant’s  coin  was  a

genuine  Ottoman  Sultani。  He  saw  me  within  that  stench  of  garlic  and  said;

“You’re  nothing  but  a  counterfeit。”  He  was  right;  but  his  arrogant  manner

offended  my  pride  and  I  lied  to  him:  “Actually;  my  brother;  you’re  the  one

who’s counterfeit。”

Meanwhile;  the  peasant  was  proudly  insisting;  “How  could  my  gold  coin

possibly be counterfeit? I buried it in the ground twenty years ago; did a vice

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