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seemed  that  Enishte  Effendi  had  instructed  my  masters  as  follows:  “Don’t

261

paint like yourselves; paint as if you were someone else。” He’d forced them to

recall nonexistent memories; to conjure and paint a future; which they’d never

want to live。 What was even more incredible was that they were killing each

other over this nonsense。

“By looking at these illustrations; can you tell me which miniaturist worked

on which picture?” asked the Head Treasurer。

“Yes;” I said angrily。 “Where did you find these paintings?”

“Black brought them of his own accord and left them with me;” said the

Head  Treasurer。  “He’s  bent  on  proving  that  he  and  his  late  Enishte  are

innocent。”

“During the interrogation; torture him;” I said。 “That way we’ll learn what

other secrets our late Enishte was harboring。”

“We’ve  sent  for  him;”  said  the  mander  of  the  Imperial  Guard。

“Afterward; we’ll thoroughly search the house of that newlywed。”

Both  their  faces  were  strangely  illuminated;  a  flicker  of  fear  and  awe

overcame them; and they snapped to their feet。

Without  having  to  turn  around  I  knew  we  were  in  the  presence  of  His

Excellency; Our Sultan; the Refuge of the World。

262

I AM ESTHER

Oh;  how  wonderful  it  is  to  cry  along  with  the  rest  of  them!  While  the  men

were  at  the  funeral  of  my  dear  Shekure’s  father;  the  women;  kith  and  kin;

spouses  and  friends;  gathered  in  the  house  and  shed  their  tears;  and  I;  too;

beat my chest in mourning and wept with them。 Now wailing in unison with

the pretty maiden beside me; leaning on her and swaying back and forth; now

crying  in  a  pletely  different  frame  of  mind;  I  was  deeply  touched  by  my

own woes and pitiful life。 If I could cry like this just once a week; I thought; I

might  forget  how  I  had  to  roam  the  streets  all  day  just  to  make  ends  meet;

forget being mocked for my weight and my Jewishness and be reborn an even

more chattermouth Esther。

I like social gatherings because I can eat to my heart’s content; and; at the

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