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light?” the Hoja Effendi said; coyly trying to start an argument; but as you can

see  from  this  picture;  the  Veian  was  a  genuine  artist;  and  he’d  focused

upon the work before him and the money it’d bring rather than heeding the

Hoja’s empty prattle。

He did indeed paint us; and then slid us into the leather portfolio on the

back of his horse’s saddle; and returned to his infidel city。 Soon afterward; the

victorious armies of the Ottomans conquered and plundered that city on the

banks  of  the  Danube;  and  the  two  of  us  ended  up  ing  back  this  way  to

Istanbul and the Royal Treasury。 From there; copied over and over; we moved

from one secret book to another; and finally arrived at this joyous coffeehouse

where coffee is drunk like a rejuvenating; invigorating elixir。 Now then:

334

A Brief Treatise on Painting; Death and Our Place in the World

The Hoja Effendi from Konya; whom we’ve just mentioned; has made the

following claim somewhere in one of his sermons; which are written out and

collected in a thick tome: Kalenderi dervishes are the unnecessary dross of the

world because they don’t belong to any of the four categories into which men

are divided: 1。 notables; 2。 merchants; 3。 farmers and 4。 artists; thus; they are

superfluous。

Additionally; he said the following: “These two always tramp about as a pair

and always argue about which of them will be the first to eat with their only

spoon;  and  those  who  don’t  know  that  this  is  a  sly  allusion  to  their  true

concern—who’ll be the first to bugger the other—find it amusing and laugh。

His  Excellency  Please…Don’t…Take…It…Wrong  Hoja  has  uncovered  our  secret

because he; along with us; the pretty young boys; apprentices and miniaturists;

are all fellow travelers on the same path。”

The Real Secret

However;  the  real  secret  is  this:  While  the  Frank  infidel  was  making  our

picture;  he  gazed  at  us  so  sweetly  and  with  such  attention  to  detail  that  we

took  a  liking  to  him  and  enjoyed  being  depicted  by  him。  But;  he  was

mitting the error of looking at the world with his naked eye and rendering

what he saw。 Thus; he drew us as if we were blind although we could see just

fine; but we didn’t mind。 Now; we’re quite content; indeed。 According to the

Hoja; we’re in Hell; according to some unbelievers we’re nothing but decayed

corpses and according to you; the intelligent society of miniaturists gathered

here; we’re a picture; and because we’re a picture; we stand here before you as

though  we  were  alive  and  well。  After  our  run…in  with  the  respected  Hoja

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