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during my travels。 Despite never having spoken with her; I’ve nursed feelings

of lust toward her for years and still do。 Perhaps; by now; she’s passed away。

Seeing a woman’s bare face; speaking to her; and witnessing her humanity

opens the way to both pangs of lust and deep spiritual pain in us men; and

thus the best of all alternatives is not to lay eyes on women; especially pretty

women; without first being lawfully wed; as our noble faith dictates。 The sole

remedy  for  carnal  desires  is  to  seek  out  the  friendship  of  beautiful  boys;  a

satisfactory surrogate for females; and in due time; this; too; bees a sweet

habit。 In the cities of the European Franks; women roam about exposing not

only  their  faces;  but  also  their  brightly  shining  hair  (after  their  necks;  their

most attractive feature); their arms; their beautiful throats; and even; if what

I’ve heard is true; a portion of their gorgeous legs; as a result; the men of those

cities  walk  about  with  great  difficulty;  embarrassed  and  in  extreme  pain;

because; you see; their front sides are always erect and this fact naturally leads

to the paralysis of their society。 Undoubtedly; this is why each day the Frank

infidel surrenders another fortress to us Ottomans。

After  realizing;  while  still  a  youth;  that  the  best  recipe  for  my  spiritual

happiness  and  contentment  was  to  live  far  from  beautiful  women;  I  grew

increasingly curious about these creatures。 At that time; since I hadn’t seen any

women  besides  my  mother  and  my  aunt;  my  curiosity  assumed  a  mystical

quality;  my  head  seemed  to  tingle;  and  I  knew  that  I  could  only  learn  how

women  felt  if  I  did  what  they  did;  ate  what  they  ate;  said  what  they  said;

imitated  their  behavior  and;  yes;  only  if  I  wore  their  clothes。  Therefore;  one

Friday;  when  my  mother;  father;  older  brother  and  aunt  went  to  my

381

grandfather’s  rose  garden  on  the  shores  of  the  Fahreng;  I  told  them  I  was

feeling ill and stayed at home。

“e  along。  Look;  you’ll  entertain  us  by  mimicking  the  dogs;  trees  and

horses  in  the  country。  What’ll  you  do  here  all  alone;  anyway?”  said  my

mother; may she rest in peace。

“I’m going to put on your dresses and bee a woman; dear mother;” was

an impossible answer。 So I said; “My stomach hurts。”

“Don’t be such a coward;” said my father。 “e along and we’ll wrestle。”

I  shall  now  describe  to  you;  my  painter  and  calligrapher  brethren;  exactly

what  I  felt  once  they’d  left  and  I  donned  the  underclothes  and  dresses

belonging to my now dearly departed mother and aunt; as well as the secrets I

learned  that  day  about  being  a  woman。  Let  me  first  state  forthright  that

contrary to what we’ve often read in books and heard from preachers; when

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